he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
