i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
