Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
