8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
