I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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