Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
