Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
