I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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