Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
