4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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