Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
