So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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