oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
