Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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