im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
