Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
