If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
