Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
