I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
