: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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