You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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