I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
