the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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