Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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