The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
