the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
