I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
