remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
