Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
