hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
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Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life