If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a