Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
