Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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