Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
