She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
