perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
