a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
