Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
