How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
