We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
