just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
