How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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