the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
