Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
