I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your cock deserves a montage
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
