I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We're too hungover to prance.
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