True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize