so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
