i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
