I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
