i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
