the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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