"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
