i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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