google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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