So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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