It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
