Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The adults are the big ones right?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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