Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
