Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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