I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
