i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
