I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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