So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
