I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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