I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
