If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
